There was this bible study that kinda woke me up

It started one summer when I had to set some limits.  Some people weren't happy about it and talked really nasty about me.  It was one of the hardest tests of my professional and personal life.  I suddenly felt thrown into a raging fire with no water in sight.

One of my friends told me about this woman, Lysa TerKeurst, who wrote some cool things so I grabbed the audio to Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

And then.  Slowly.  Quietly.  I began to see some water. The water sounded like this.

There was a stark difference between religion as I understood it and what she called her relationship with God.

I want my beliefs to work no matter what life throws at me...My perspectives get skewed by my emotions.

No person, possession, profession, or position ever fills the cup of a wounded, empty heart.

Yeah, that was like the first chapter.  I was hooked.  I was in.  Tell me all about those people who need filling up!  Who needs some GOD and not religion!  AMEN SISTER.

And then, that morning, listening to the audio and taking steps on the dark road early in the morning I realized the Truth and began to cry.

I was the one who needed filling up.  I was the one who needed to release religion and run to God.  This book was about me.  Not them.  

Shortly after I bought the book so I could underline all of these poignant words.   A few weeks later, I purchased the DVD and every morning had some quiet time with me, God, the book, and the DVD.  Oh how I grew.  I just kept going deeper and deeper into myself and it suddenly became easier (not a cakewalk, just easier) to let others have their walk, too.  

Eventually, I led a study on it at my local church.  It was faithfully attended and the women all grew closer.  I believed in the message of this book and it was truly the turning point I needed in my own faith walk.

Fast forward seven months later and my Father passed away but not without another initiation of cruelty from those surrounding his death.  I can honestly tell you that the seeds planted in me from this book were the foundation for a spirituality I am proud to say WORKS!  It is a connection with God that cannot be broken.  It is strong, true, and it runs deep.

"We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."  It was the overflow of their lives, and it became the routine of their lives.

All quotes from the book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl  by Lysa Terkeurst

This post must have been meant to be because my son is still napping and I finished it!  Praises!

The Teaching of Sweet Sounds

Dear Gossip,                          

My name is Stephanie and I was scared of being me.  I'm not anymore.

Thanks for the teaching,

Stephanie

Oh I could tell you all the ways to “handle” people.  Newsflash:  People know when they are being handled instead of loved.  But the truth is I am the one that needs love, not handling.   

A woman in business is bound to be talked about.  I had a parent today share a compliment another Mom gave me.  I told her that was very nice and she was responded with “Well, we talk about you!” 

Nice, I think?  I am aware people talk.  In fact, to rub that fact in almost flew out of my mouth as I “Yes, I know you do.”  (Okay, down ego).  I just expect it now.  Sometimes it brings business my way and sometimes it doesn’t.  What is true is that my self-worth is not built on the opinions of another person.

When a get a call for a student, I usually regard what others have said about the family with relatively low importance.   In the first place it is often wrong and is often founded in some kind of jealousy from the person speaking the negative words.  Secondly, it usually goes against what my inner guidance is telling me, which is the ultimate decider.   There are many jealous parents and hurting people in the world who will stop at nothing to diminish someone.  I want to be a person in the world who lives by her Divine Guidance, my higher self, by seeking prayer and discernment in every area of my life. 

Check out this cool necklace from the Choosing Beauty store at Etsy.com. 
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One parent told me that I would be crazy to take a certain student because the student’s father was a jerk and the student was kicked out of a fancy school,  or so she heard.  When I got the call, I felt very good about taking this family in spite of the call.  It turned out to be one of my best teaching experiences to date.  Sadly, everything the gossiper said was not only wrong, but cruel.

I have also seen people rise to the occasion.  I’ve had parents so angry with me at times that I just knew I would never receive another student.  I chose not to speak ill of anyone and as a result, I grew so much as a person, allowing God to use situations like these to make me more loving, kind, and forgiving – not bitter, rude, and cynical of love.  In the end, the very people I thought hated me did not. 

When I hear criticism or gossip I mentally send love to the speaker and the intention of protection over the spoken.  I also ask to be shielded from the negativity myself.   It can be so easy to point fingers on others, but in the end all my frustrations and disappointments came down to my expectations and views of how I look at life.  When I love myself the way God loves me, it is very hard to see others as villains.

The great revelation is the more I stay away from gossip, the better I feel. The more I see love and not hate.  The more I have compassion for the little child in all of us who wants to be loved.  The less I take in the negativity because that is not the truth of how God sees them - it's just smoke and mirrors.   Then when I do hear it I am very sensitive to it. I like it that way.  And so it is.

Theme Song for this post?  "We Are" by Kari Jobe  - It's a Lightworker's Theme Song!

Gossip, Type II

Detraction

(From Latin detrahere, to take away).
Detraction is the unjust damaging of another's good name by the revelation of some fault or crime of which that other is really guilty or at any rate is seriously believed to be guilty by the defamer.

 Oh boy, this is a tough one.  It's easy to rationalize my own opinions of something and keep them to myself.  But what if a person really did me wrong?  What if I really did catch my son stealing that cookie?  Or, what if I'm pretty sure he stole the cookie because he was the only one in the house!  All signs point to his guiltiness!   Don't I have a right to tell the other people who have cookies to beware?  That my son is a thief?  Hmmm...

Russ Rentler's Blog on Detraction says it so well:

What is the sin of detraction?

Detraction reveals something about another person that is true but harmful to that person’s reputation.
The fact that something is true does not justify its disclosure. We may not reveal another person’s secret faults or defects unless there is proportionate good involved.
Detraction is a sin against justice because it robs a person of his reputation. Each person has a strict right to his reputation, whether deserved or not.
Because detraction is a sin against justice, it requires reparation. The detractor must try to repair the damage to the victim’s reputation, and also to restore any temporal loss from the detraction, such as loss of employment or customers.

The Catechism teaches:(2477) Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty:

- of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;

- of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another's faults and failings to persons who did not know them;

- of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

As much as I would love to add some pithy, enlightened comments, I really can't.  I think this says it all.  

I will say that I find that anger seems to be when I, and most people, are most prone to the detraction gossip.  In other words someone has done some thing to me and I am fightin' mad!  So, what do I do with the anger?  I tell everyone who will listen, and then some, everything I can find wrong, a little wrong, big wrong, and maybe wrong about that person so they will be as angry as I am.   

I actually found out about the sin of detraction because I had a person come to me who was very upset that said child did not enter the private school of their choice.  This person was convinced, whether true or not I don't know, that it was a conspiracy by the staff of said school.  The anger spilled into detraction and information regarding staff was spilled onto the floor.  I just stared with my mouth agape.  How could I defend all these people?  How did I know if what she were saying was true?  I felt sorry for those she maligned, true or not.  This was when I looked up detraction and I think the posts mentioned here give us a very clear idea.

 My husband told me his Mom would give him this bit of wisdom before he left the house.  It was "Don't tell everything you know."

2 Kinds of Gossip - Type 2

I'm sensitive to gossip. Having been the gossiper and the gossiped I've developed a very bitter, sour taste for it. I like to really digest and dissect things so here is something I discovered about gossip.

There are two ways, although there may be more, to gossip. One is just spilling someone's personal business, their past, their personal life - you name it. You have some kind of access to this person's confidential file and you want to share it. The second way involves sharing your own private thoughts/judgements regarding a person. "Say, Susie Q is like the WORST dresser ever!" Now, it's only an opinion, but it's judgmental and inappropriate. Is it necessary? Kind? True? And you must answer yes to all three, not just the last one! Also, does it spur one another on to good deeds? Does it give encouragement to say it?

Today someone said the person leading music at their church had a horrible voice. What? I am a musician for Pete's sake! Does she not know that I have battle scars she can't see all over my body from people who make pithy comments such as those? Does she not know that my post-op wounds are still healing, still raw to the touch? Oh I wanted to yell, "Let's see you do it sista! At least somebody stepped up to the plate despite people like you!" And the worst part, in today's desperate need for Godly, church musicians, she is turning people off to even consider her church.

Calm down.

My response was that the church was blessed to have someone who offered to lead their music. It is hard to find people so let's not bash the ones we have. Okay, I didn't say the last part. I just mentioned that it's important to build the musicians up. So her response was, "Oh I do tell them!" LOL Well, it doesn't help if you tell them one thing and say another behind their back.

Breathe.

Here is the part where I can see slow, painful, growth in my character. At one time, I would have felt so flattered that this person would include me, overweight, not that cute, little old me, in her innermost thoughts about other people. She dothed me as Princess Special! Now I realize, if they will gossip to me, they will gossip about me. My specialness comes from God. My security in myself and acceptance is being a daughter of the Lord Most High! Yes, I want to be accepted among my peers, but not by disobeying God. To be accepted while following God's will for my life is the pinnacle, for me, of peace.

So I did it! I made it through round 1 of gossip in post-op condition! Take that devil!

Stay Tuned for Type 1!