8:53 – 8:58am
I still like to write even though I have less time to do so. I still love to eat even though I have lost 80 lbs. I still have more left to lose and the battle feels brand new some days, almost as if I am back at 306. I laid in bed this morning remembering when my 306 lb sized body took up so much space. Mentally, I still feel I take up that space. It’s amazing how our brain grows to think my new size is as big as my old size. I think that’s why I still stress about weight. Until my mind sees me as beautiful, I will still feel overweight. Of course, there are times I am still proud of my accomplishments, just not as often lately. Trying to lose those last twenty pounds is nothing short of ridiculous. My eating is emotion driven. My big cue is when I have gone a few days and not really felt hungry. That’s my goal this morning – to not eat lunch until I am hungry, no matter what time that might be. Not just eating because I’m bored or because it’s so much more exciting folding my son’s clothes or mopping the floor. But, I will wait until I am hungry, then I will not be beating myself up afterwards. Yes, I still think about and obsess about weight. Not all the time and not every day, just when life throws me a curve ball. I still want to learn how to make true friendships. I’m reading a book on that. Yes, a book on how to be a friend. I never thought I would need one, but the more I read the more I’m kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Why didn’t anyone teach me these principles? Thank the Lord for good books.